My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
