At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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