Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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