I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I would fuck him just for his dog
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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