I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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