Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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