This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
