the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
