My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
