Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
