Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
