well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
