i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
