Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
