Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
