Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize