you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
