Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
