I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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