Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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