Where did you get a picture of my penis
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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