so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
