I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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