best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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