Farmville is her only friend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
