I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
