so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
