oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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