my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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