she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
