oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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