So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
