I feel like abortions should bother me more
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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