Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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