Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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