So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
