my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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