I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize