how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
