Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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