Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
