I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
