When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dignity is for republicans.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
