I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
