saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
