dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
