So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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