Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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