Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
