so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
