I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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