The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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