sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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