im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
