got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
