You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
