come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
