I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
