Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
