lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
