He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
