i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
