rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I AM VODKA MAN
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The Olympian is in my bed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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