she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
