Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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