her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
