Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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