Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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