And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
