god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Michael Bay diarrhea
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
