If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He kissed a someone with a penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
