I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Your penis caused this!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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