I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You smell like stripper and shame
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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