Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
