nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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