I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
