Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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