Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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